ZC Playlist and the Writing Score

From since I was about twelve years old, music has been an essential part of my writing. I have used it to inspire scenes, to trigger visual elements, to lull me to sleep while imagining a favorite storyline, even to block out background noise so I could concentrate. While living with my parents, I would often leave a ten hour shift at the bookstore and drive around for at least a half an hour listening to particular songs to get myself into what I lovingly termed "writing mode" before arriving home and immediately heading to the computer. Specific songs would help me visualize the scenes I had planned out. They would pull me into the emotions of the characters I would utilize that night. Sometimes they would even be there to give me the characters' background stories, the information that no one but I would ever know, the super-secret details that would forever be mine alone.

It's become such an essential part of my writing that I can't create my stories without some sort of music playing in the background. Unfortunately for Tarl, my husband, it sometimes means a single song on endless repeat for hours on end, but...well...such are the sacrifices of living with creative types, eh? One learns to cope, and in his case it has meant noise cancelling headphones (not for him, mind you, but for me).

Where did all of this come from? Initially, it probably started because when I was a kid I used to listen to LP's of Disney movies. Yes, I realize many youngsters out there don't even know what the heck LP's are. (They're like oversized CD's with 2 sides that makes cool scratchy noises when played.) I would listen to the records and imagine the movies...over...and over...and over. You know how kids are. My favorite was "The Fox and the Hound". Out of that came the "Star Wars" soundtrack on record. I'd never seen the film, so came up with my own version of the movie based on the pictures on the album and the music. It was really strange, and it was different every time I listened to it. All I remember is that I used to break out into a really bizarre, epileptic-like dance whenever that cantina song came on. (Give me a break! I was, like, six years old!)

So after graduating from the "Star Wars" seizures, I made tapes wherein I acted out storylines, complete with soundtracks nabbed from the stereo. My sister partook in one that we titled "Nightmare" in which we were two sisters (surprise, surprise) who got lost in a cave and had to find our way out, all the while struggling against our mother re-marrying some evil new boyfriend who was trying to kill us. We even did our own sound effects. I remember some really bad friendship song coming on the radio that we thought was perfect for the end and we hit the record button just in time to get it. We ended up laughing and making running noises like we were tumbling through a field of flowers in complete bliss for foilling the evil boyfriend's scheme and escaping the horrific cave. How sad that the tape was lost.

My next real soundtrack experience was the score for "Edward Scissorhands". I snagged songs from that and completely remade them into my own stories, many of which worked their way into my film "Black" as Phear's storyline over 12 years later. First, however, they made their way into a short story called "Phear". That story is incomplete and ends with her mother shouting, "Run, Phear! Run away!". For those of you who have seen "Black"...gee...I wonder what part THAT is...

Anyway, so for every book I've written, there is a playlist. I now offer up the one for "Zurigan's Child". Some songs were used for specific scenes, and some for ambience. Some were used in conjunction with others, and some only briefly. Maybe some day I'll give more details, but for now, here is the whole for you to do with as you wish:

1. More Than This- The Cure (The X-Files: The Album)

2. Can't Run But- Paul Simon (Rhythm of the Saints)

3. Ubiquitous Mr. Lovegrove- Dead Can Dance (Into the Labyrinth)

4. Two Step- Dave Matthews Band (Crash)

5. Like Cockatoos- The Cure (Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me)

6. Fish Out of Water- Tears For Fears (Elemental)

7. Spark- Tori Amos (From the Choirgirl Hotel)

8. You Look So Fine- Garbage (Version 2.0)

9. Fragile (Reprise)- Sting (The Living Sea)

10. Wash Jones- Squirrel Nut Zippers (The Inevitable)

11. Never There- Cake (Prolonging the Magic)

12. To Have and Not To Hold- Madonna (Ray of Light)

13. Morning Breaks- Nellee Hooper (Romeo + Juliet Volume 2)

14. Little Blonde in the Park of Attractions- Tangerine Dream (Tyranny of Beauty)

15. Big My Secret- Michael Nyman (The Piano)

16. Iiee- Tori Amos (From the Choirgirl Hotel)

17. Can't See (Useless)- Oingo Boingo (Boingo)

18. Laura Palmer's Theme- Angelo Badalamenti (Twin Peaks)

19. Where Would I Be?- Cake (Prolonging the Magic)

20. Selina Transforms (Part 2)- Danny Elfman (Batman Returns)

21. You Are the Pan- John Williams (Hook- Original Soundtrack)

22. 16 Horses- Soul Coughing (The X-Files: The Album)

As far as I know all of these songs can be had via itunes, so have at it. I found them all to be great for my writing, so maybe you'll feel the same. I have no idea what they might be like to listen to while reading ZC, so if you have comments on that, or any others, feel free to post. Ta!

Things I've Learned as a Modern Author

   Coming into writing as a youngling, I had many preconceived notions.  Some of those are very common.  For one, I thought I would become a renouned besteseller after submitting one query to a publisher.  I believed my words would inspire the downtrodden, and weary consumerist driven individual to exclaim, "Holy crap!  I have never seen such words strewn forth upon a page!  Why! This shall be greater than Tolkien!  This will be greater than everything!".  Who hasn't had such dreams?  Needless to say these were just that: dreams. 

    I began my journey to publication at the age of twenty-one.  I had just finished my first novel, a fantasy entitled (and, yes, I am using the word entitled despite some embittered agent's recommendation that I not use it because "it makes it seems like one is entitled to something in return"...sheesh!) "Zurigan's Child".  Summoning every ounce of courage I had (which wasn't much at the time), I wrote and re-wrote query after query, synopses after synopses to present at conference after conference.  Alas, to no avail.  Most often I was told, "What an interesting story, but it's not what we're looking for right now.", or "We don't buy fantasy, only science fiction." even though they were agents listed as scifi/fantasy agents in the catalogue.  Many a time I was even openly mocked in front of agents I paid to have time in front of.  Such is the life of a young, aspiring author. 

    I turned then to the "Writer's Market Guide" book, and spent the better part of two years writing short stories and fine tuning my queries to suit the markets wherein, all the while continuing the saga of Caroline in the Assaudian War series.  Again, no avail.  I amassed a great deal of "We love your story, but it doesn't fit our market right now" rejection letters (what the heck does that mean anyway?!), and found myself doubting my talent.  This happened for a long, long while.  It wasn't even a matter of the feedback being negative because it wasn't.  It wasn't as though the editors and publishers were saying, "Hey, your work sucks and there is nothing we can do with it." or, "Get yourself a copyeditor." or, "Get a day job.".  They had positive things to say.  The worst they said was, "It's not what we're looking for."  So vague.  It was like they expected me to read their minds, or be part of their club, or screw their publicists for tips.  I didn't get it.  I still don't.  I felt like an idiot.  It was like I was missing this one mystical key that would open the door to everything, and no matter how hard I tried over the years, I just did not get it.  Over and over, I did not get it. 

      So I stopped submitting.  I said, "Screw it.".  I couldn't figure it out, and it was tormenting me beyond belief to the point where I was doubting my abilities as a writer (which was one of the things that made me truly happy), so for years I submitted absolutely nothing and focused instead on writing more of the novels for the Assaudian War series, a stand alone novel entitled (there's that word again!) "The Scourge of the Bone Cages", one called "Kraysh" which is one of two, and a bunch of shorts...oh!  Plus I made a movie because I got sick of the book bs and decided to try my hand at the movie biz.  I hooked up with an old friend of mine, Billy Garberina, via an old writer author of mine, Bob Vardeman, and got in touch with local indie film guru Scott Phillips.  From that, "Black" was born.

      I am currently self-publishing via Amazon, Lightning Source, and Kindle, and am finally getting my works out for the public to see.  My faith in the old method of submitting to agents is no more.  With more and more of the publishing houses merging together and fewer and fewer of them publishing new authors, the chances of new authors seeing print through them is so slim it's ridiculous.  The chances of seeing a regular income is even more ridiculous. 

      My initial goal was just to see my books in print so people could read my work.  I didn't care if they thought it was like so-and-so's work.  I didn't care if they thought it was too wordy, or too...whatever.  It was mine.  I wasn't trying to cater to a market, or to anyone's tastes, or to inject it with a literary botox.  I was writing to make a statement and express what I wanted.  I believe the same now, and I'm glad that I still can.        

      Much has changed since ten years ago, but not that much.  Publishers are still looking for the next bestseller.  They want who they can tag as "the next so-and-so".  Whoever sells the most is whoever is marketed the most.  Sometimes there is a "runaway", but it is rare, and it is nothing to count on.  It is definitely nothing to bet your career on, and even then, the career is probably fleeting.  Don't sacrifice what you don't have to.  I really don't think it's necessary anymore.     

Addendum to the Goal

   It's easy enough as a teenager or twenty-something to say that a main concern in life is to "do what I want in a career that will make me the most content".  It is a noble want and definitely seems much more practical than, say, wanting to be a millionaire or be famous.  Put up against the desire to make good money and have a stable job, however, the choice becomes a little more difficult, but not so much at an early age. 

    It's not even a matter of work, so laziness does not play in here.  To establish a career as a writer, for example (and I'm going to continue using writing as an example because, well, this is a writing blog after all) takes a tremendous amount of work.  There's not only the time to write the material, but to market yourself and attempt to connect with publishers...the outcome of which is not guaranteed no matter how diligently you try.  (I've argued the statistics on this with many.  If you aren't working among all the variables that will produce publishing success then it will not happen no matter how many times you submit, so sometimes you can't say "Keep trying!  It's bound to happen someday!".  And it may have nothing to do with quality.  The same, I'm sure, can be said of any art which is why some masterpieces only became known after the unfortunate artist died.  Ugh!)

   Alot of times the choice to do what we want while young stems from witnessing those who are older as they look back on their lives with regret.  So many evaluate their present careers which may or may not be producing enough to keep them financially stable (or more so), but don't seem to be keeping them emotionally and spiritually fulfilled.  Some may think, "What if I had continued with my dream of becoming a rock star?" or an actress, or screenwriter, etc. etc.  They may think success would have befallen them in that career, or maybe at least that they would have been more fulfilled.  Heck, sometimes people abandon their current careers and pursue the dreams they left behind.  A few do so with hopes that are too high (ie- I'll become the next Michael Jackson), but most who do so in the middle age are quite a bit more humble and take it on as either a hobby or something a bit more down to earth (ie- opening a modest restaurant to start rather than being the next Gordon Ramsay).  I personally remember, though, remarking on this particular regret and vowing to never experience it.  Thus my own personal choice to pursue a writing career while working retail jobs that allowed the freedom to do so. 

    It's easy enough to continue this lifestyle for a while, and some can maintain it for their entire lives.  What passion fulfills us is definitely worth alot, but sometimes many of us who made this decision do not end up obtaining the "American Dream".  We aren't the rock stars or Stephen Kings.  We make choices that keep us within our own moral boundaries, but sacrifice opportunity, and others that open doors to exceptional experiences, but may pull us back financially.  Not having this ideal "American Dream" may make some feel like failures.  Others may not care at all, for they're doing what they love.  Regardless, there is one thing that beckons to everyone at some point or another, and it has nothing to do with stardom.  It even has little to do with success on a broad level.  It's all about financial stability.

   On my own personal level, I was fine with what I earned in retail for years.  In my early twenties, earning anything above minimum wage was fantastic.  It meant I was exceptional.  If I got a dollar above it...Holy crap!  I was living the high life!  Obviously I had no understanding of economics at all.  (What they don't teach you in school: wage comparison and what income is allocated for.)  Of course, I didn't really need money for much.  I shared an apartment.  I didn't get sick much.  (Who needs health insurance?!  I'll just cross my fingers that nothing happens to me.)  I didn't get much time off, so vacations were out of the question.  I didn't have children.  Savings account?  (I still ask, "Wtf is that for?".)  And debt...well...I just figured that since I had no kids it would just poof! into oblivion when I died. 

   That, however, was in my early twenties.  Later on when I started watching my friends buy houses, multiple cars, go on expensive trips, buy tons of new shit...then I started thinking, "Hmmm.  Maybe this starving artist lifestyle isn't so great after all.".  A couple of years of financial crises later and I really started re-evaluating my situation.  I started thinking a few very pertitent things like, "I really enjoy having functional teeth.", "It's great having a reliable vehicle.", "I am getting tired of hearing my apt. neighbor's singing in the shower at 6am.", "It would be nice to afford new furniture instead of always having to get hand-me-downs.", "Why is everyone telling me I'm too skinny?", "I'd like to not have to save up to go to the movies.", and most importantly, "I'm just pretty damn sick of dead-end retail jobs.".  Now some people may enjoy the starving artist lifestyle.  More power to them.  It's really not for me, though.  I'd like to not have to take out a loan to pay for a root canal and crown...and new tires for my car.  That kind of sucks in my book. 

  So although the initial dream of doing what would fulfill me sounded great, and it was, there was an additional part to that dream that didn't fulfill.  It was the actual job part.  I might not be a famous author, but I'm still working at the writing part.  Zurigan's Child is an ebook, and I've just submitted the form to Ligntning Source that they have to approve so I can get it available in physical format without having to spend thousands of dollars.  The only thing I'm changing is the second part that I discovered I was so unhappy with.  That, unfortunately, involves the arduous task of going back to college for a degree in Biology.  Then there's an even more arduous task of grad school for a more specific degree in...well...I'm still trying to decide.  It'll have something to do with genetics, chemistry, biochemistry, and/or neurology.  I've got a bit of time.  Maybe a year before I'm no longer an undergrad anymore. 

  Either way I'll have a different "real job" in the end.  Maybe then I can get better dental care.  Or maybe I'll just go to dental school instead and do my own damn teeth. 

Question For All: Fictional Character Made Real

   If given the choice to bring one fictional character to life tomorrow, who would it be and why?  This character does not have to be human.  S/he or it, if incapable of surviving on this planet alone would be assumed to have assistance so s/he or it could.  If incapable of communicating with humans, s/he or it would also have assistance.  I have no idea what people will pick, so I'm just throwing these out there. 

  My answer: Oddly enough, the character I can't get out of my mind is Artemis P. Gone from "The Maxx" comic series.  Sure he was a rapist and kind of a psychopath early on, but he had some amazing psychological talent and interesting powers.  In helping Julie remember the trauma that she repressed and that caused her to have the overlap with the real world and Outback realms, he was pulling some major therapy.  If that kind of universe existed, it's definitely something I would want to discuss with him as well, especially since he could wander between both realms at will.  He did have remorse for his prior "evil ways", so it's not like one would have to worry about him running amuck.  Intelligent, concerned, talented, intriguing...all good reasons to bring a character into being.  I want to know more about this guy.       

Borders' Demise and the Fate of Tangible Books

   With the pending doom of one of the largest retail bookstores and the current rise in ebook sales, I can't help but wonder what is to become of my most beloved format of literature: the physical book, that lovely tome of murdered and pulverized trees glued in a hefty stack and etched with processed ink.  Yes, they can be bulky and difficult to carry (Oh, us fantasy authors, why must we write a minimum of 500 pages per book?!).  Yes, bookshelves can consume the majority of space in a room (esp. for bibliophiles), and then spill their contents onto your dresser, bed, laundry basket, etc.  God forbid one should fall on you if you bump into it, or look at it funny.  No one will ever find you in time.  I've had friends swear never to help me move again because of having to shlep my boxes of books up flights of stairs.  I honestly thought they would swear to never be my friends again after that!  They almost staged a protest complete with signs right by the moving van!  But despite their weight in bulk, there is something (pardon the horrible choice of descriptive wording here) "magical" about the physical book.  The smell (new and used), the sound of each page turning, the ache in your wrist after holding it up for too long (but you're so happy because that means it was a good read), fighting the wind because it keeps trying to turn the pages on you...  There is an EXPERIENCE to that.  It's something you can't get out of an ebook.  Plus, whenever people come over and you have to leave them standing in your living room, what's the first thing they look at?  Your bookshelves!  It's an excellent way to get to know someone.  It's also a great conversation starter or something to fill an awkward lull at someone's place.  I just have a hard time imagining a future with no tangible books where someone grabs their host's Kindle off the coffee table and starts scrolling down the menu to see what ebooks they have.  Even more awkward would be to ask, "Can I look at your Kindle?".  Uh... What?

   With the disappearance of Borders, then, does this mean Barnes and Noble is soon to follow?  They've already been up for sale.  Local bookstores have been struggling for ages.  I can't imagine that once the big corporations are gone, WalMart, Hastings, and Target are going to be able to keep the tangible book industry afloat, so what will this mean for publishers?  Currently there aren't any bestselling "ebook only" publications coming from them.  At least from what I've seen.  Normally the tangible book comes out, and the ebook follows at a lower price if it follows at all.  If all that's available are some bestsellers in hardcover and paperback that Amazon and aforementioned chain stores can push, ebooks are going to have to bring up the majority of sales.  Already, though, I'm hearing of authors finding creative ways out of these contracts with the publishers, or finding loopholes to gain more money.  The publishers don't seem to be taking these ebooks seriously yet.  Perhaps they should. 

   And what about childrens' books?  Young adult books and teen readers I can see making it into the digitized format no problem.  Textbooks on Kindle?  PLEASE!!!  They're already working on that, and coming up with "rental" programs for them.  Beginning readers, board books, etc...stuff for the really young children just learning to speak and read?  No way.  They love to get their hands on those books and turn the pages (and tear them apart, too, but, hey, we all did that).  It's about interacting.  So maybe thanks to them the physical book will never truly go away.  Eric Carle and his blinky fireflies will be around for a while, and so will that gluttonous caterpillar. 

  Where then will that leave the public libraries?  Will they become a cache of the antiquated format?  A treasury of what once was?  How will they keep up with new titles if they are not printed in physical form?  Would they be able to obtain enough funding to establish a rental system for ebooks like companies are doing for the textbooks?  I sure hope so.  I'd hate to see them struggle.

   So with all this in mind, I'm still digging through my old stacks of tangible books, looking for the ones I haven't read yet and plowing through them.  I own a Kindle.  I've put everything I've written onto it and am converting my books into proper Kindle format to sell.  I love that I don't have to carry a huge tome around with me and can instead have this sleek looking leather bound electronic device instead that weighs practically nothing.  However!  It does not smell like a book.  It makes an odd clicking noise when I 'turn pages" instead of an actual page turning noise and I miss that.  I can't tell how far into the book I am by its thickness anymore.  I can't easily skip ahead to a random part and read it, but have to go page by page (I don't know why I like doing that, but I do...it's one of my favorite things to do with a book I'm enjoying).  I can't dog-ear pages, and it won't look like I read it when I'm done with it.  There's something oddly satisfying about a book looking like you've read it, esp. when you've read it more than once.  It looks loved.  It looks experienced.  An ebook always looks fresh and new.  Maybe that can be exciting, too.